Baltimore Coordinator Invents Passing Game

Excited about the new passing game, Ray Lewis decides to hump a teammate.

In a stunning development, the Baltimore Ravens have unleashed a new innovation they call the "passing attack", and the NFL will never be the same. Here's the story behind this unique transformation of the game.

by Buck Buchanan
Senior Offensive Correspondent
ChiefsCoalition.com

Worlds are turned on such ideas.

One never knows where innovation comes from.  Some think it mere happenstance.  Scientists speculate that innovation originates from the pituitary gland.

Where ever it comes from, the results are usually spectacular.  Such was the case Sunday in Baltimore, Maryland.

In a stunning development during a game with the Kansas City Chiefs, Baltimore Ravens offensive coordinator Cam “Cam” Cameron unveiled a new offensive attack he nicknamed “the passing game”, and it just might revolutionize the game of football as we know it.

We caught up with Ravens head coach John Harbaugh to learn the story behind the story.  “It’s a funny story actually,” said Harbaugh “well, not ‘ha ha funny’ like a joke is funny, but maybe ‘Dane Cook funny’ or ‘Carrot Top funny’.  Like when a guy gets kicked in the nuts.  Oh man, that kills me every time.  Nuts.  That’s funny.  Anywho, it actually started during practice this week…”

Monday – Game Planning

The Monday game planning session started like all other Monday game planning sessions for the Ravens staff.  The game plan for this week started out as a simple one; run the ball, play defense, occasionally have a guy kick the ball. 

“We like to call that guy the ‘kicker’.  He kicks the balls when we need balls kicked”, Harbaugh laughed, adding, “Ha!  You hear that?  I said balls, son!  He kicks the balls!  That’s funny!”

“As you know, we brought ‘Cam’ over here to be the offensive coordinator after his triumphant year as the Dolphins head coach.  What initially attracted me to ‘Cam’ was his amazing abs, but I also really liked the way he calls running plays.  And the way his abs look when he calls running plays.”

The game plan for the visiting Chiefs deviated slightly from the usual Raven’s attack, Harbaugh explains.  “We decided to run left AND right this game.”

However, Harbaugh knew from reading the Internet that Kansas City had recently hired a new coach.  “Some guy named Todd Bailey, or Haley, or something like that… Maybe it was Rod.  Rod Bailey.  Yeah, I think that’s it”, said Harbaugh.

“So this guy Rod installs a new defense in KC, something called the 3-4 defense.  I wasn’t sure what that was, so I went to Wikipedia to look it up.  Wiki said that there are actually quite a few teams in the NFL that play the 3-4, including the Patriots and the Ravens.   That last one sounded sort of familiar.  Then it dawned on me.  We’re the Ravens.  Well, that was lucky, so I went to see our defensive coordinator, Rex Ryan.  Turns out he left to go coach some team called the Jets.  That really sucks.  I liked Rex.  He had nice hair.”

Assured by Ravens’ General Manager Ozzie Newsome that the team had indeed hired a replacement for Ryan, Harbaugh went in search of the new coordinator.

“So I find this guy in the office next to mine,” continued Harbaugh, “and he says ‘Yah, he’s the new defensive coordinator’.  Which was good, cause I’ll be damned if I was gonna search all over this freakin’ place.  I asked him about this supposed 3-4 defense we run, and he seems to know all about it.”

The new defensive coordinator, Greg Mattison, explained that there are still many ways to run on a 3-4 defense, including a play called the toss sweep. 

“I wasn’t sure what a toss sweep was”, said Harbaugh, the long time special teams coach for the Philadelphia Eagles before landing the Ravens head coaching position, “but I damn sure wasn’t gonna let him know that, so I just told him to draw it on a piece of paper and give it to ‘Cam’.”

Tuesday - Practice

Practice days are long and physical during game week in Baltimore. 

“I like it when the players get physical.  My favorite is when we have road games, because we get to turn the stereo up real loud,” explains Harbaugh.  “We’re supposed to be simulating crowd noise, but our boss, Ozzie, usually doesn’t come to practice, so we like to put on some Olivia Newton John and crank it up real loud like.  You haven’t lived till you practice to ‘Let’s Get Physical’.  Love that song.”

It was during this practice that inspiration struck in Baltimore.  

“We were installing this ‘toss sweep’ play I keep hearing about, and it wasn’t going well”, said Harbaugh.

 “The toss sweep evidently calls for the quarterback to ‘toss’ the ball to the running back, who is ‘sweeping’ out towards the sideline.  This jerk Flacco keeps missing the running back.  We ran that play, like, 17 straight times, and every time the jerk just tosses it to the ground” said Harbaugh.  “So I called him a jerk.”

It was on the 18th time that football changed forever. 

“I told Flacco he probably just needed to toss it harder,” said Harbaugh, “and this time he waits way too long to toss it.  The freaking running back is probably 10 yards past the line of scrimmage before he remembers to toss him the ball... and he launches it anyway!  What a jerk!”

The running back, Ray Rice, caught the ball.  Unsure of what to do next, Rice took off running and scored a touchdown.  “The defense was just standing around, looking all bewildered, so I was pretty sure I could get a touchdown,” Rice explained, “I wasn’t that excited about the touchdown, but I did a really nice celebration dance afterward, so I was hyped about that.”

Harbaugh ran screaming on the field.  “Everybody knows you can’t toss the ball forward past the line of scrimmage,” Harbaugh clarified.

Ironically, it was the defensive coach, Mattison, who contradicted Harbaugh.

According to Harbaugh, “He starts handing me this fluff about how he’s pretty sure you can toss the ball forward.  He called it a ‘pass’.  I don’t know where he gets this crap.  I never liked that guy, you know.”

Cameron, listening from the sideline, decided Mattison was right.  Now it was Cameron’s time to shine.

“So now ‘Cam’ starts going crazy,” Harbaugh explains, “He’s all like ‘Pass good’, and ‘Cam pass ball’.  Finally I said ‘Whatever.  You jerks do whatever you want.  I’m just the head coach.  What do I know?’  Then I rolled my eyes a lot.  I think I won that argument.”

Wednesday - The Offensive Mastermind

A man of few words, Cam “Cam” Cameron spent his entire life learning the nuances of the game from NFL playoff legends like Norv Turner and Marty Schottenheimer. 

According to Cameron, “Cam like Norv.  Norv nice.   Marty scream too much.”

I asked “Cam” about his dispute with Harbaugh.  “Mmmmm, Harbaugh bad.  Pass good.  Cam like pass,” asserted Cameron.

“Harbaugh say ‘Cam no pass’,” he continued.  “Cam get mad.  Cam pass!  CAM PASSSSSSSSSSS!” Cameron screamed.

Trying to calm him down, I asked Cameron what he liked about passing the ball.  He replied, “Helmets pretty.  Shiny!”

Leading him back to the subject at hand, I again asked what he liked about his new “passing” attack.  Cameron replied, “CAM PASSSSSSS!  Harbaugh bad.  Cam not jerk.  Harbaugh jerk!”

Trying to learn what makes this innovator tick, I then asked about his time as the head coach of the Miami Dolphins.  Cameron granted that things didn’t go well for him in Miami. 

“Cam get fired.  Fire bad,” he agreed.

Thursday - The Evolution of the Pass

According to Harbaugh, Baltimore’s starting quarterback is a “tall drink of water” named Joe Flacco.  It turns out that Flacco was pretty good at this “passing thing”.

“We traded up to get this guy in last year’s draft.” said Harbaugh, “Mostly I liked that his name starts with a ‘J’, just like mine.  Plus, I heard there used to be a really good quarterback named Joe Montana, or something like that.  It was a good fit.”

“All the good quarterbacks have names that start with a ‘J’, in my opinion.  Joe Montana, John Elway, Jerry Rice, Joe Walsh… Wait, that last one wasn’t a quarterback, but you get the point.  Joe Walsh is no Olivia Newton John, but ‘Life’s Been Good’ rocks!  That’s, like, my theme song,” he continued, singing “‘Life’s been goooood to me soooooo far.’  I’m really good at the air guitar.”

I asked Harbaugh how Flacco adjusted so quickly to his new role as a “passer”.

Harbaugh replied, “He claims he did this kind of stuff in college, but he’s full of it.  You know how guys always exaggerate what they did in college.  Hell, I tell people all the time that I was the Mayor of Poontown when I was in school, when actually I was only the treasurer.”

Exaggerated or not, Flacco’s transformation as a quarterback was paralleled by another discovery, the conversion of Baltimore’s wide receivers from run blockers to what Harbaugh calls “pass catcher guys”.

“We started having him pass not only to the running backs, but to the wide receivers,” Harbaugh explained, “I figured they were just standing around out there anyway, so they might as well do something useful.”

Traditionally, Baltimore’s wide receivers have been the most useless of Baltimore’s offensive players.

 “They don’t run block all that well,” Harbaugh said, “but I always keep a couple of them on the field anyway, cause they look GREAT in tight pants.”

“By the way,” he continued, “Did you know I used to be the Mayor of Poontown in college?  Be sure and put that in your article.”

Sunday - The Big Game

Sunday afternoons are about two things in Baltimore, football and crabs.

“I almost didn’t take this job when I heard about all the crabs around here,” Harbaugh said, “But Ozzie assured me that these crabs were little things kind of like a lobster.  You can imagine I was pretty relieved.  We had an infestation of crabs back in Poontown, and it wasn’t pretty.”

Baltimorons, as the locals are known, like their crabs grilled, and their football boring.

“Ozzie was worried that the fans would be all pissed that we weren’t going to be running the ball all the time.   He was all like ‘boo hoo, I’m a girl.  I’m gonna cry about it’”, said Harbaugh.  “I told him to take off the skirt and grow a pair.  Damn I’m funny!”

The first offensive play for the Ravens was a designed run for Flacco.  He scrambles to the right for 4 yards.  “Now that’s my kind of play,” said Harbaugh, “But ‘Cam’ is freaking out over on the sideline.  You know how he gets.  So I told him go ahead, call your stupid pass.”

The next play would go down in history.  Cameron calls his first pass. 

“Cam say ‘pass ball, Flacco’”, Cameron recalled after the game, “then Flacco pass ball.  Pretty helmet.”

All in all, the drive lasted eight plays before ending in a 44 yard field goal.  Six of those eight plays were passes.

“I told him to settle down and call more runs, but he just kept jumping up and down, screaming ‘Cam pass, Cam pass!’”, Harbaugh recalled, “but I guess it worked out okay.  We won, like, a bazillion to nothing, so I’m pretty happy about that.”

The Ravens eventually unleashed their new “passing” attack for just over 300 of the “passing” yards, and team officials say they plan to incorporate this new system into their long term strategy, perhaps even involving other offensive players, like the tight ends.

“I was thinking maybe we could pass to the offensive line some too”, said Harbaugh after the game. “That jerk Mattison says we can’t do it because it’s illegal, but what does he know?”

The NFL has always been a copycat league, so if this new offensive innovation continues to work, Harbaugh says we should expect many other teams to adopt their own versions of the passing attack.

For at least one Sunday though, the Ravens stand tall and proud as true innovators in the game.

Or as Coach “Cam” so succinctly put it after the game, “’Cam’ pass good!  Yeah!”

Cam pass very good, indeed.